Wednesday, 22 August 2012

I'm bored and it's 2 am. It's raaaambling time! Try to read that in a cool voice, it will sound so much better. Yeah? Yeah. Let me start with the serious stuffz. Too often I find myself focusing on a lot of negativity as opposed to actually realising the things I have and not take them for granted. It's wrong and I need to keep reminding myself that I have it so much better than others. At the same time, it's hard to think that when you find negativity can sometime overpower positivity. Eurgh. I hate when I'm down about something and someone says 'think of all the poor people in the world, that could be worse' yeeeeaaaaaah I know that but telling me that will NOT instantly make me better u'know. (-_-)

I don't even know what to talk about, I feel like just waffling but then I can't reallly be bothered. OHHH I just remembered, I got my grades. I'm into A2 and I did alright, lololol. I got BBCU. But the U exam paper is getting remarked hopefully. I've tried looking into courses that I want to do at uni but it's just sosososo hard picking what I want to do. I want to do something I know that I'll definitely enjoy and do great in but I want it to be something academic so I know that I'll get a good job out of it. It's all confusing. I'm looking forward to my gap year though. 

What did I do today? Not a lot tbh. I watched Inception for the first time and woooooow it's amazing! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT IT BEFORE????????????????????????????????????????????? *rage* lol. I've even tried doing more research on it to understand it further. I'm going to watch it again tomorrow. I also watched PhoneBooth today, loved it all over again aha. There is this basketball film on iPlayer, watch it, it's called Freestyle. I don't know whether to be impressed that there is a British based basketball film or be disappointed that you can't compare to great bball films like White Men Can't Jump. The film is somewhat cringey tbh and there are bits of it that leave a lot to be desired. I can't lie though, the music played is pretty good, some grimey stuff. 

You know what I love? When you come across someone new and they just understand you. Do you know how great that feels? It gives me hope in this damned world we live in. I'm being serious. Being able to talk to someone for hours yet it doesn't feel like such a long time? Just great. I need more people like this in my life. Just suddenly realised that I have less than two weeks left of my summer, that makes me miseraaaable. I have sooo much school work to do as well! Personal statement, extended project, english lit cw, history essay, politics essay, ahh it's all long. I just cannot be bothered. I wanted to go to London this week as well.

"There are moments of such pure, sublime, unparalleled perfection that they will force you to close your eyes and hold on to them as best you can. Life is a series of these moments. Everything else is just waiting for them"

Thursday, 16 August 2012 is 3.08am. I'm bored and just scrolling through Twitter. Nowadays I find that a lot of the topics discussed on there seem to just lead to people spouting ridiculous ignorance. Either that or they're just being dumb or disrespectful. Damn, the disrespect I witness on Twitter....disgusting. For instance, I find that people get a real kick out of insulting black girls. I understand that we all have freedom of speech but sometimes...too far. Okay, your preference doesn't favour black girls, does that mean you have to spend so much time sending slander their way? I just don't get it. Everyone has what they like and what they don't like. Does this authorise them to insult the things they don't like? If you don't like something, leave it, there is no need to bang on about it - doing nothing but sending out stupid generalisations that do nothing but force me to believe that you're beefing your brain. Or am I wrong? I don't particularly find Asian guys attractive but that doesn't mean I spend all my nights on Twitter insulting them and making stupid generalisions. There is simply no point. Fair enough, a joke or two is acceptable but people just do not know when to stop. Then there will be someone who has 'caught feelings' then it turns to, to coin the phrase, 'corn'. It's all long to be perfectly honest. Tonight's very original topic on Twitter is size. So original. People are going on about how if you're bigger than a 12, it's unacceptable. First off, who has given these people the right to state what is and what isn't acceptable? Has some form of divine power been bestowed upon you for you to decide what people should be? Fair enough, you are one of those that are obsessive about your weight. Keep it to yourself, there is no need to insult others. The most ironic thing of all is that a lot of these individuals will talk about clothes sizes and whatnot but completely ignore the fact that their faces leave a lot to desire. You can have a nice body, but trust me, if your face is, as they say, 'leave it' you're really in NO position to comment. Like, how dare anyone say that someone doesn't deserve their life because they are a size 16? What the hell is wrong with people?  These are the same ones that on Sunday will start shouting Hallelujah, completely ignoring how a few days previously they were condemning God's creations.I'm a size 14/16 and I'm 5"9, does this mean that I deserve to die? Whilst comfortably ignoring the fact that there are much more worse things for one to worry about in life. Call me fat, blah blah blah. Surely your being fat should be defined by how many rolls and ripples your body has, not your clothes size. There are guys who, because of gym wear a L t-shirt, does this mean they are fat? No. I play basketball, thus I'm actually healthy and to be honest that is all that matters. Does someone else being a size that you aren't particularly in favour of affect you and your life directly? I just don't understand.

I don't know, maybe it's just me but some people just refuse to use the brain that God gave them for FREE. Do you understand how disrespectful that is? You get something for free and you're refusing to use it. See if you dont get your recompense on the day of reckoning.

Anyway enough of that. Results are out in a few hours, I'm starting to feel excited for them. Weird? I know. Also, pay day has come so yeah, I'm hapz. Just can't wait to open that envelope and see what grades I've been given. I just hope there isn't one UGLY grade on there. Tears may drop. I can't even front, if it's terrible I will cry. But I'm looking forward to Roch's get together after. That's gon' be nice, haven't seen anyone from school since we broke up. To be honest, I don't even do much with myself. All I find nowadays is that I either just want to play bball or draw, that's pretty much it. Like now, after doing this post, I'm going to carry on the drawing I started earlier. It's a lady in her hijab, she looks pretty, it's nice. I should actually put some pics of my work so it doesn't sound like I'm talking rubbish...soon come. Yeah, rambling now. That's enough. Thanks for actually reading, means a lot :-) Leave a comment if you wish.

Corn: To 'catch corn' is to basically become the joke of the timeline. Everyone is laughing at you, in a mocking manner. So, yeah, you've become a joke for the entertainment of Twitter.

The universe is massive, the earth in comparison to it is tiny. Whatever one does is not going to be of any significance to the universe, right? So one might as well do whatever the heart desires, right? But then when one considers that the fact the one can gain insight, wisdom and think deeply about issues, humans are able to do the most good toward others and make a personal mark on the world. It's hard to realise one's importance in a world so big. Find a cause and purpose - my musing

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Okay, I don't know where to start or where this is going. I am literally just going to try to put my thoughts down - I need to. My mind is a very confused place at the moment. I don't even know if it's just now or maybe it's been like this for a long time and it's just got to a point whereby it must be acknowledged. It's all confusing what goes on up there. Like, recently I find myself just feeling forever uneasy. Uneasy in the sense that there is, what feels like, a background nervous feeling that sits with me constantly. Maybe it's feeling stronger now that my results are out in less than two days. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe, that is just it, I do not know. 

The problem with not knowing is that I can't decide if I want to make conscious effort to know. What's funny is that I'm aware that I myself am not fully aware of my own capabilities. Does that make sense to you? I understand that I have potential for a lot of things but just how much potential. I just want to know what my 'niche' is and stick with it. Hmm. I'm confusing myself now. Basically, my issue with this whole not being aware of one's potential is scary. Scary in the sense that, what if I decide to try and find out just what my purpose is or how much potential I have and it doesn't go to plan. Of course there is no set plan but there is how I would like things to go. Ideally, I would like to find that my capabilities are craaaaazy but then what if it turns out that's not the case? That I'm more or less destined to live a subpar mediocre life? The way I look at it is like the Schrodinger's cat experiment - I am going to assume you are aware of what it is. Schrodinger's cat experiment in the sense that I'm scared of what I could reveal.

Just thought about results again, even more heart palpitations. My problem is that I KNOW that my grades have been decided and right now there is physically nothing I can do to change it yet I keep stressing about it. I fear disappointment, greatly. To a point whereby the thought of it has me nearly breaking a sweat, palms itching etc. Especially disappointing my parents. Which makes me even think of my future. I'm unsure of what to do now regarding careers and whatnot. Nowadays, I find that all I want to do is either draw or play basketball. But neither of those come under what my parents would like me to go into. Even me personally don't think I could go into that area, it's a bit risky. With basketball I could hurt myself - that's it. With art, I simply may just not be good enough. I'm my biggest critic and to be honest I cannot take my peers compliments of work as fact. Why? Because how often are they around sublime work? I could do what is a normal average sketch but due to the fact that they aren't usually exposed to great work they'll over rate my work. Thus, causing me to be likely to think I'm better than I am. The thing with drawing that gets me is that it just relaxes me, like I feel at ease with the world when I do it. Then I begin to question whether it should remain a hobby and not a career path. I now feel like I'm babbling on. 

I get to these stages and I lose interest in sharing my thoughts further. Not only do I feel like I've been on too long but I just generally lost interest in sharing because I've one again ended lost in thought. You know what's funny? I think a lot but I can't pin point what it is that is stressing me out. That's comedic. Like, I begin to feel like I'm just being an attention seeking idiot. Which frustrates me because that's not the case at all, I'm just not good at translating thoughts into coherent words. After that I'm still not sure. Sometimes I wish there was someone there to babble to as I'm thinking because then a lot of my thoughts won't pile up. If that makes sense. Of course, that doesn't mean someone must be there 24/7 to listen to my rubbish, it would be comforting just knowing someone is there. I need to find myself. Not in the way that most people think either. I think that's where the root of my problems are planted.

 Do you feel how you feel because you have been told about how these feelings are supposed to feel so you subconsciously force yourself to feel this way? - my musing


Friday, 3 August 2012

I don't how to start this or even what to write. I just felt like I haven't written in some time so I should now. It's the summer holidays, woohoo. Although it's been fun so far, as I have played ball nearly everyday, I can't really say I've done anything productive. And I have a lot to be doing :-( I've got my extended project, english lit cw, politics work, economics work to get done, and we're already in the second week. Next week though, I'll get work done. However, I'm a bit sceptic about how much work I'm actually going to get done because I'm going to be in London next week, lol. But don't worry, will power 'innit'. 

The Olympics have started and it's been interesting to say the least. The main sport I've been watching to be honest is the basketball, and THAT been awesome. It's actually one of the best things ever to wake up and have a bunch of basketball games to watch everyday. Which brings me to this...Nigeria played against USA yesterday :O:O:O lololol. It sucks though that everyone underestimated Nigeria, because they were actually decent, they managed to put up SEVENTY THREE points againts the USA dream which is said to be similar to the dream team. Does no-one else understand how impressive that is? Rightfully though, USA did drop the 3's so gravefully and calm, like they were at a training session. The only thing that made me angry was the disrespect shown by Lebron especially, which shocked me because with a clapped hairline like his, does he reeeeally have the right to laugh at anyone? He keeps moving his head band back like say we won't notice that his hairline is already saying it's last words. Rage. Anyways, Nigeria did me proud ^_^ Oh and can I just say... Nigeria beat GB. I just even remembered, it was soooo annoying on Twitter last night when all these other clapped African countries started trying to mock Nigeria for being matched up with USA. One thing I learnt yesterday though, Nigerians are CHAMPIONS at insulting, the punchlines were just coming in left right and centre. I've got a couple of examples, loool:

"Nigeria got touched and you are doing ha ha abi? These times daddy has gone shop for 17 years abeg prioritise"
"Stupid short twats. As if to say they don't play basketball in Ghana with a tennis ball and 2 cups attached to 2 pencils"
"Ghanaians can't make jokes. Their entire olympic squad fitted into one cab from heathrow to the hotel pls pls" 
It was a night of 'LOOOOOL's but as usual with things like this, some people started to take it OTT, cba. Nigerian's are just too proud, lawl. 

Enough of that. Today is the 15th fast, big up, halfway through already. I've got work today, I reeeally cba but I've got to work the next three days if I'm having next week off :( This post was actually one of the funniest to write, mainly 'cause of those quotes. If you're reading and you managed to get here, hope you've enjoyed it! ^_^

I did say it, his CLAPPED hairline. I can't even call it a hairline, surely. It's closer to his nape than it is to his eyebrows. (team exaggeration)

Only Nigerian's will get the text, but the picture is pretty self explanatory. I'm in stitches!